CALL it love in the age of the social media; call it love of the younger generation. Whichever way one may wish to tag it, there is no debating the fact that love and its various forms of expression have undergone significant changes. Gone are the days of letter writing or dispatching of cards and flowers; today’s tech-savvy generation have taken to expressing the flow of cupid’s arrow through smartphones and other electronic gadgets.
Boon for the social media
Mr Sola Ilesanmi, a radio presenter in Ondo State, who got married recently, believed the social media have greatly revolutionised human interaction, especially romantic relationships. He said: “It would sound incredulous to start writing love letters in this age when with a push of the pad on my phone, I can convey my feelings to my loved ones and get instant replies.”
Social media, in his opinion, brought flexibility, innovation and style to romantic relationships with smileys, images, graphics designs, among others adding verve and colour to content. Added to the innovative techniques is the fact that the cost of expressing love on social media barely affects one’s purse.
“I could choose to celebrate my wife on Facebook, BlackBerry, Twitter at no cost, and that makes her more special than writing her a personal letter,” Ilesanmi said.
Another factor pushing the preference for social media over traditional forms of expression as letter writing and greeting cards is convenience as substantiated by Tunmise Ayodele, a scholar from the Leicester School of Architecture, United Kingdom. He said: “Although social media may not be a total replacement of creative love and romantic writing, it has become a succinct and convenient way of expressing love.
“Facial expressions such as love, kiss and some emotions are present on the keyboard characters, and are mostly used to send words of love which I refer to as quicky. Instead of writing letters cum the stress of posting them, I prefer to substitute letter writing for social media as a means of expressing my love for this season and beyond.”
Despite the enormous potentials of the social media in expressing love, there are positive and negative aspects to the usage as with typical technological innovations. One fallout of technological advancement in communication, it may be argued, is the reduced creative ability that comes with the decline in letter writing.
It is a view reiterated by Mr Talabi Alaba. Said he: “I believe the social media have made the expression of love an easy task where the two parties involved have limitless time to interact with each other and responses are delivered in seconds. One will note that long distance relationships which seem to be uncommon in the olden days due to the communication gap have been encouraged with the advent of social media which afford lovers a platform of instantaneous communication.”
“On the flip side, there has been a great loss in our sense of creativity in writing due to the short and abbreviated messages allowed by the social media. If a survey were to be carried out, I’m sure that many lovers would find it difficult to express their feelings in correct sentences because they’ve become used to their abbreviated social media posts, chats, messages and so on. In fact, just a picture on any social media platform can be an effective means of love expression, which was never the case in the 80s and 90s.”
For Moses Akintokun, a chartered accountant, the social media serve as a springboard from which a solid romantic affair can launch. “The significant timing difference between delivery and response time in letter writing has been completely eradicated. And not just that alone, you can even see your loved ones daily as you communicate through Skype,” he said.
Akintokun, however, cautioned that social media also serve as a platform for expressing all forms of deceit in the name love. “A lot of people, especially ladies, have fallen victim to ritualists and fraudsters, just to mention a few through love found on social media, particularly Facebook. This is due to the cheap and easy link of social media and technology. There is a need to be safety conscious online.”
The topic remained open for discussion, noted Mrs Adetutu Adedeji, a relationship expert. “Social media has its benefits,” she said. “However, looking at the excesses of this generation, I think it has totally made a lot of people to lose their sense of private commitment and nurture for their spouses and relationships. What we have now is public show and display that makes everyone want to be as seen as having a rosy relationship. I still say romantic words to my spouse and I write him notes. I do not have to always publicise my feelings on social media because the relationship is strictly between us.
“In the past, letter writing gave us room for creativity and originality, but most of what we have now are several people using another person’s words to reach out to their loved ones. It was not like that before; letter writing helps us keep long and treasured memories. Except for instant messaging, social media has not helped, by and large. I hope it will not get worse as the years go by.”
Bust for greeting cards
Aluko Olusegun, a postgraduate student at the Obafemi Awolowo University, Ile-Ife, operates a customised cards business called Seopia Concepts. Although his customised birthday cards and other greeting cards are well patronised on campus, he declared little faith in the approaching Valentine’s season in terms of meaningful income as the once popular form of romantic expression has lost prominence.
“Social media has really taken charge,” he said. “One cannot but talk about easy access to loved ones on the go. Nevertheless, it also has its own disadvantages from the nude pictures that people are sending to their loved ones which can leak and later become a scandal.”
The preference for cheaper methods of sending good wishes to spouses, friends and families seem to edge out the once-sacred tradition of giving and receiving that prevailed for decades. When the The Nation tabled the subject, Mrs Mojisola, owner of a minimart on Daniel Street, Mushin, Lagos, corroborated the trend. Said the mother of two: “Yes, I sold greeting cards before, and, at the time, it had more value. I made much profit from it because I usually had students, especially youths, that had someone they had to impress or someone they cherished. During festive periods, greeting cards brought in money, mostly on days when we don’t sell much and it was good then. But these days, no one even bothers to ask me if I sold greeting cards. The only card I get to sell now is credit card (giggles). I won’t lie to you; I have also helped myself to the various sites that send virtual messages. I think it’s better to just send a text or post a picture and tag it on Facebook. That’s what my phone is for, isn’t it?”
The lost art of letter writing
Every February 14 finds Daniel Momoh wondering if ‘Mourners’ Day’ would not be the more apt description. Whenever the 37-year-old engineer sees a stranger approach with a bunch of papers, he imagines that a written apology from his long-lost Valentine, Blessing, is finally on its way. His first love dominates his thoughts so decisively that the end of their romantic affair in 1999 hardly justified the means by which he secured her affection.
“Bros, I wooed my first love through a series of well-worded love letters,” he said. “When she agreed to go out with me on a lovely Valentine’s Day years ago, I invested everything in the affair, from paying for her school certificate exams to actually writing the exam for her. I helped her pass the JAMB (now the Unified Tertiary Examination) exam and get into the university. Then, by her second year, she lost interest in me. Crazy with love, I pleaded and pleaded to continue but she was adamant.”
Laitan Adewale’s experience, on the other hand, supplied meaning to the cliché ‘different strokes for different folks’. Warming to the subject on a recent February afternoon, he managed, through a combination of greeting cards and love letters, to turn a relationship bound for the friend zone into whirlwind romance.
He and Mary – the object of his fancy – became an item on a February 14, two and a half decades ago. A three-year communication of the most tender stuff left a stash of letters good for nostalgic value any time, said the 48-year-old banker.
And then there was the creative writer and editor who realised the power of the handwritten letter in the second form at secondary school. Asked by the English teacher to write on an interesting topic during composition, the editor, who would rather not be named, chose one with love as the theme.
He said: “I attempted to describe the object of my affection as a girl with supreme figure, long hair and captivating eyes. I wrote that I was overjoyed when she accepted my invitation to the school dance. And when I finally held her, I was totally mesmerised by her beauty, I added.
“Perhaps I succeeded a little too much in my task because the class mistress, a Pakistani named Mrs Corr, came to class the next day and, shouting my name, asked me to stand up. I thought I would sink through the floor or fly through the roof out of fear.
“’What do you know about love at your age?’” she asked in a shrill voice. Before I could stammer an answer, she threatened to report me to the school principal, but because her daughter who was my senior in school loved it, she would let it pass. She must have loved the letter too because I scored an eight out of 10, nearly double what the next fellow got!”
Letter writing: Lost skill or declining art?
Sipping a bottle of soft drink as he talked, Mommoh strained to ignore the emotional scar of unrequited love and the seasonal experience of lonesomeness. He recalled the time when recognition of a familiar handwriting on the envelope gave instant satisfaction and ignited passion. Decades after, he said, no e-mail or text message could replace the mere sight of her writing.
To an extent, advancement in communication technology is responsible for Momoh’s woes. With each passing year grows remote the possibility of receiving a handwritten apology in Janet’s familiar scrawl.
Handwriting can be untidy and difficult to read, but the worst of writing is often recognised by someone who treasures it whether it is a handwritten note from a dotting husband to his wife from overseas, a plaintive S.O.S. from the boy in secondary school or a letter from the daughter who has just gone away to university for the first time.
Communication through electronic means remains phenomenal, but Skype, e-mail and text messaging will probably not be treasured in the way that teen age letters, scribbled journals and postcards have always been.
Texting and computer typing continue to drive the neglect of penmanship – beloved pastime of the older generation. Gone with the 80s and 90s is constant reinvention of script by the consummate writer; dotting of ‘i’s with little hearts or switching between a curved ‘d’ and an upright one.
Many homes still keep a stash of letters and postcards as treasured possessions and items of reference to authenticate family tradition – the same functions served by modern electronic media. Yet, the written word thus recorded is easily undone by a computer key depressed in error or some other electronic fault compared to the more durable combination of pen, ink and well-crafted words on paper.
But does it matter that letter writing is in decline? It apparently does. A note or letter – of love or condolence – needs to be handwritten to be worth much. Scarce is the older person that will not recall the joy of receiving a handwritten letter from mom, dad, friend or relation while growing up. Enhanced by penmanship, love letters particularly reveal much of a person’s character.
Until recently, birthdays, Easter, Sallah, Christmas and the New Year called for greeting cards between family, friends and well-wishers with Valentine’s Day often recording exceptional traffic. Lovers’ day was barely complete without chocolate, bouquet of flowers, other gift items and customised greeting cards.
The art of letter writing is clearly in danger of being lost. Most schools have stopped teaching handwriting, and infants seem to take to iPads and computers like ducks to water, graduating to video games with the dexterity of a race car driver.
Despite the recession in writing, postal services manage to remain relevant through efficient service delivery. While personal letters may no longer come through the same route, bills are guaranteed to regularly arrive in the mail.
Technological advancement or not, creditors are bound to keep in touch with debtors. The former may not be welcomed always, but the benefit of physical exchange is not lost on both parties. Who writes anymore?
Do people still write letters; better still, do they still post letters? A top official at the Nigeria Postal Service (NIPOST) office in Agege, Lagos, answered in the affirmative. “People still write,” she said while asking not to be named. “Some things people cannot communicate without putting it into writing. Revenue is generated from posting of items that obviously cannot be sent by text or in electronic form such as sensitive documents and paperwork that must be signed after receipt – if you want to send items abroad, for instance.
“Most people prefer NIPOST because it is secure, cheaper, safe and goes into the interior of the country. Courier companies, we give them licence. What happens is that if you decide to use them, in most cases they collect money from you and still fall back on us. We are like the landlord who allows the tenant to lease for short. We tell you: here are your boundaries and you renew the contract with us.
“As for letter writing, that one has reduced. But the valentine’s card, you can be sure that will still be posted. You know the ‘old school’ will still come and send letters, especially gift items.
“We are also useful on special sales occasions. Recall the recent Black Friday sales. Courier companies collect payment that is three times. Some places they can’t reach like villages and towns at the extreme, we cover. You know, there is a postal agency anywhere in the country. So the courier companies in turn bring back to us the items.”
Letters still matter
Despite the decline, business is not bad, added the source. “Despite the decline of personal writing, the office manages to meet its revenue target of N5 million per month and in 2015 even made N63 million plus. The 24-hour delivery time for intra-city letters and packages, and 72 hours for intercity delivery enhances delivery, she added. If people are not coming, how would the post office make such amount? It’s not a child’s play. And now the new stamp duty act passage will boost the revenue.”
Head of Marketing at the Ikeja Post Office, Mr E. Erediuawa, noted that the rescue mission is better directed to the roots. He said: “Letter writing is relevant. It helps school children express themselves legibly and lucidly. We realise the importance of helping them get used to writing, so we encourage them to get used to writing. So we get them to write letters as a way of improving themselves.”
Postal Controller, Expedited Mail Service (EMS) at the Agege Post Office, Mr Olatide Ganiyu, shared the same view while raising a point of reference. “The essence of letter writing is still relevant despite the advent of technology,” he said. “In schools, students still want to learn the art of letter writing for examination purposes as well as job applications and other purposes. Besides, compared with phones, for instance, there is reference for future use or communication.”
But what does it cost to expedite mail? “Depending on weight, charges range from N8, 000 for packages abroad to, say, USA, UK, etc. and it takes five working days or one week on the average,” said Messrs Steven Aburime and Akan Sunday, Senior postal Officer.
Compared to telecommunications postage may not attract as much revenue, but the smile that a delivered letter bearing good news brings to a loved one probably surpasses any induced by a fun emoticon or emoji generated by the computer.
In the face of competition, the handwritten (sometimes typed) letter manages to thrive. To write is to consolidate or undermine connections.
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